A pompous minister was seated next to a TEXAN on a flight to Dallas. After
the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The TEXAN asked for a
whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He
replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than
let liquor touch my lips.”

The TEXAN looked at the minister, then handed his drink back to the
attendant and said, “I didn’t know we had a choice.”

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A married couple were having a disagreement while sitting in bed.

The wife said to her husband, “You’re impossible,”

To which the husband replied, “No. I’m next to impossible.”

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There was this couple who had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.”

“Yeah,” she replied, “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.”
“I know,” the old man said, “We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago.” “Well,” Granny snickered, “What do you say…should we get naked?”

Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
“You know, honey,” the little old lady breathlessly replied, “My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” replied Gramps. “One’s in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!

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